Deciding that some extra help or company is needed at home can be a big step, especially for older people who want to stay independent. As part of Homeshare Week 2024, we’re sharing stories that show how Homeshare can make a real difference by providing both support and friendship.
Cathy, a volunteer with Age UK Oxfordshire’s Homeshare service, visited Sheila and Anne during the summer of 2024, two years after they started sharing a home. Sheila, 86, a former manager of a large Education Catering workforce, lived in Oxfordshire with Anne, 83, a retired nurse, writer and peace activist. Sadly, Sheila passed away recently, but their story, written by Cathy and shared with permission, highlights the connections and life-changing experiences that Homeshare can create.
As a volunteer with Homeshare Oxfordshire, I am interested in learning about Homeshare partnerships and what makes them successful. Anne and Sheila weren’t a typical home share arrangement; usually, people think of a younger person sharing with an older person, so I was curious to see how this worked.
Sheila explained that she moved into her new home in June 2016 after the death of her husband, whom she had cared for through Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. “My daughter and son helped me through that time. They thought living here would be good for me. I was quite withdrawn then. After nursing my husband for so long, I didn’t really grieve; I felt relief for him. I think I became less active and social,” Sheila said.
Sheila had several knee replacements and had fallen a couple of times. Her children were visited often and provided support, but Sheila didn’t want to live with them since they both had busy lives. She was struggling though, so her daughter looked online for extra help. “We didn’t search for long. When my daughter found Homeshare, she said, ‘Wow, this looks ideal.’ I think ‘Homeshare’ is a good name because it’s two way – not just about someone receiving help,” Sheila said.
I then asked Anne why she chose Homeshare. Anne explained that she had spent her life as a nurse, travelling the world and caring for people. However, she needed to finish writing one of her three books. After returning to England and caring for someone who sadly developed dementia, Anne realised she needed a change to find time to write. “Saying goodbye to nursing was hard because I’ve been doing it since I was 18. I was worried about adapting since I wouldn’t be nursing or caring in the clinical sense. But at the time, I needed space to write. Coming to Sheila’s was perfect for me,” Anne said.
I asked Sheila if she was open to the idea of Homeshare when her children first talked to her about it. “Absolutely,” she replied. “Not without some reservations, of course. I had lived with two men for 50 years—not at the same time! I was concerned about how I would cope with someone else in the house because I have a tendency for obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).” Sheila felt relieved, saying, “The first feeling was that I didn’t have to rely on my daughter as much. She had a tough situation at home, so I wanted to depend on her less. I was eager for this to succeed.”
I wanted to know what they talked about at the beginning of the matching process. For Sheila, discussing her OCD was essential. “It was important to talk about things like where everything goes in the dishwasher. I could see that Anne understood that.” Reflecting on their experience, Anne said she felt she had become tidier since moving in, while Sheila felt more relaxed about keeping things in the right place. Both agreed that they had honest discussions early on.
Seeing how well the partnership was working, I asked them what made it successful. Anne explained, “There must be mutual respect. Sheila needs space to be herself and doesn’t need someone fussing around. I’m here if she needs me; if not, I have plenty to do. We communicate clearly—no checklist, just chatting. It was tough at first, being a nurse, but now I trust that Sheila will ask me for help when she needs it.”
Sheila added, “We have settled into a happy routine. Anne has travelled almost everywhere in the world, and I’m very interested in geography and even politics. I am a huge tennis fan and have introduced Anne to the sport. We share knowledge and have a mutual interest in travel.”
When Sheila received a serious health diagnosis, they both acknowledged it would impact their arrangement. Shelia said she would ask Anne for help with tasks that were becoming difficult. Anne mentioned that this might be challenging for other Homesharers. However, the connection to the Homeshare Oxfordshire team meant there was always someone there that they could talk to or ask for advice.
In addition to enjoying their time together, Anne got to know Sheila’s family well. “We had a joint birthday party with her son, daughter, and their kids. Having me here eases their worries. When Shelia’s son visits, he might joke, ‘How are you doing? I don’t know how you’re coping with my mum.’ We joke together because they trust me.”
I was fascinated by this Homeshare relationship. Both Anne and Sheila enjoyed each other’s company, and being from the same generation had its benefits. They were strong advocates for Homeshare as a way to fill gaps in community services, helping older people stay safely in their homes while providing companionship, which of course is a two way thing..
Before leaving, Anne remarked, “On paper, it might seem strange for an 86-year-old and an 83-year-old to share. People usually think of younger individuals doing the sharing. But being from the same generation works well because we share reference points, a sense of humour, and similar feelings about today’s news.”
As we celebrate Homeshare Week, stories like Sheila and Anne’s remind us that homesharing not only provides support but also creates friendships and peace of mind for families.
To find your local Homeshare provider please visit our find your provider map.